Why I'm NOT Talking About the Newtown School Shooting with my Children

"There is, I am convinced, no picture that conveys in all its dreadfulness, a vision of sorrow, despairing, remediless, supreme. If I could paint such a picture, the canvas would show only a woman looking down at her empty arms.” -Charlotte Bronte

I'm regretfully writing this post today.

Last Friday, in a small town in Connecticut, innocence was stolen from 400 students who had to come face to face with a despicable reality of this world.

Parents had to wonder if their precious little ones were among the carnage. While teachers stood in closets and bathrooms huddled, trying to protect the children they were hired to teach A,B,C's and addition facts.

Senseless tragedies like the massacre at Sandy Hook elementary school are difficult and confusing enough for adults to wrap their heads around. But in the minds of children, who still believe in Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and magic, it seems unfair that any parent should have to explain this to them.

Soon after the news coverage and tweets began making their rounds about a gunman entering this small community, and changing it forever, the internet exploded with conversations from concerned parents.

The question seemed to be how we should explain this horrendous action to our vulnerable children. Many parents reposted this quote from Mr. Rogers:

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers--so many caring people in this world.

I agree that focusing on the good serves the world more than focusing on the bad. Which is why I've decided not to discuss the devastation that happened in Newtown, CT.

You might not agree, but let me explain. My 13 year old son and I talked about what happened, at length. We talked about how his school is prepared for this kind of situation. We talked about what he should do if ever put in a harms way while in school.

He, as an adolescent, can somewhat wrap his head around what happened. Even though I, as an adult can hardly conceive it. I answered any questions he had and I hugged him close when we finished.

I also told him that he is not to mention anything that happened around his 6 year old brother. I strongly feel that we put too much responsibility on our kids. They are growing up faster, experiencing things earlier, and being exposed to violence on a daily basis through video games and movies.

Being that my first two boys are 7 years apart, we only let our oldest watch shows and movies that were appropriate for his younger brother. To this day he still enjoys Disney Channel (don't tell his friends).

When my best friend committed suicide 3 years ago we told both boys that Aunt Emily was really sick, so she passed away. It was only recently that we told our oldest the truth.

Here's my point. Kids are NOT little adults. They don't have the mental and emotional capacity to process such complicated situations. Just like when parents are fighting or going through a divorce it's not recommended that you discuss the details with your children.

They have no control over the situation and can't even fathom the complexity of what is going on. Why burden them with that?

So I won't be talking to my 6 year old about the shootings. I don't want him to be afraid for his safety. I don't want him to think that he could die because he went to school. And I don't want him to have to think about all the little children, who were his age,  that won't ever see their parents or celebrate Christmas again.

If he does hear about it from a friend, or on the bus I will explain it to him in an age appropriate manner. Hoping to preserve whatever innocence he is left with.

What will you tell your children about what happened in Newtown, Connecticut? Thank you for sharing.

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