Do you love to-do lists? Do you get all giddy setting lofty goals? Do you have a vision board filled with pictures of your perfect house, job, or soul mate?
If you are frantically shaking your head "YES" then what I'm about to say may not sit well with you.
Setting goals is meaningless...unless you've answered one simple question.
More on that in a minute.
But first, lets take a little trip to see how I thought I could create the life of my dreams.
Journals are Magical like Unicorns & Push-up Bras
That's what I believed. I was OBSESSED with getting a brand-spanking new journal. It was like a delicious hit of ecstasy. Each new year, or anytime I was ready to "start fresh", I would buy a beautiful empty book...with delicate flowers and soothing colors, to inspire my "new path". My intention was to turn everything I wrote into concrete results.
I would fill those blank pages with optimistic excitement for what was to come. New career paths, healthier eating, improved love-life, and firming my sagging ass were all things I "committed" to, at one point or another.
I thought if it was written down then the Universe would see that I was really serious about making these changes (even if I was dating loser guys and eating fast food 24/7).
I would visualize these AMAZING events happening in my life. And then I'd alter them, tweak them, and throw them out the window for a new set of aspirations. Each time, truly believing, that if I created the "perfect" intention and followed through, the Universe would HAVE to respond.
No mind that some of my goals were unrealistic, not well thought out, or damn near scared me. They were going to get done!
Right?
Wrong!
It was only recently I realized that I was going about this completely backwards. Many of the books I've read in the past, like The Secret, made me feel as if I just thought about it hard enough or wanted it enough then the Universe would bring it my way.
If you add that with the practical application of organized, planned-out goal setting, my life should have reflected exactly what I had carefully cut and pasted onto those vision boards.
But here's the question I failed to ask when creating my master plan:
How do I want to feel?
Now you may be thinking, "Nacia, what does making 6 figures, getting abs of steel, or getting out of this crappy job have to do with how I feel? That sounds like woo-woo, hippy-dippy nonsense."
Here's the truth...we have goal setting upside down.
Your Desires Create the Fire
When planning the next phase or making the next move first we think about what we want. Next, we figure out what you have to do to get it.
But the truth of the matter is, it's not the promotion, new car, shoes, boyfriend, girlfriend or external accomplishment we work so hard for. It's the internal feeling we seek.
Inspirational, kick-ass, and moving author, Danielle Laporte puts it perfectly in her book, The Firestarter Sessions, when she says:
Typically we come up with our to-do list, our bucket lists, and our strategic plans- all the stuff we want to have, get, and experience out side of ourselves. All of those aspirations are being driven by an innate desire to feel a certain way." What if, first, we got clear on how we actually wanted to feel within ourselves, and then we designed our to-do lists?
F-in genius!
Seriously, this chapter of her book was like a super-duper AH-HA moment for me. It made me rethink of all the reasons why I "say" I want certain things, and determine what I really want.
Doing this simple exercise in her book helped me get clear about how I wanted feel so that I could do things that would lead me in that direction.
I want to make more money to have financial security for myself and my family. I want to work with women and moms because I'm passionate about our health and well-being. I need to be my own boss to feel powerful. I want to work with integrity so that I am respected. And lastly, I want to donate my time to people who can benefit from my help, so that I can feel a sense of giving.
Everything that we do begins with our desires, even the bad stuff. Shopping sprees, overeating, any kind of indulgent behavior stems from our need to feel a certain way. But with those behaviors always comes the shameful emotional crash.
So, if you can get really clear about the lasting feeling you want to create, making the decision about what to do becomes a lot easier.
Don't Give Up Your Sticky Notes
Try something for me. Write down 5 words that describe the way you want to feel in your life. Without judgement or second guessing. You want to feel rich, great! You want to feel sexy, bring it on baby! You want to feel powerful, awesome!
None of those desires are wrong. They're the fuel that fans your flames of inspiration, creativity, and your womanly super powers! So embrace them.
Put those words of power on the mirror in your bathroom, on your computer monitor, or on the dashboard of your super-mom mini van. Let them guide your words and your actions, each and every day.
If you are looking to dive further into designing your life from your desires, Danielle Laporte will be launching a beautiful new product called the Desire Map that I've been able to preview. The Desire Map is a multimedia program with a PRINTED book (it’s embossed, even!) a downloadable book, audio book, a series of audio contemplations; a private, online Desire Map space; an app, and 12 weeks of weekly inspiration to help people make desire-mapping a true practice.
I only recommend stuff that I truly believe in and this book absolutely fits the bill. Buy it for yourself. Give it to your family, coworkers, the PTA president. EVERYONE should read this.
We all make plans. Long-term, like for a family vacation, career moves, house renovations, or short-term plans like what dress to wear on date night or whether to have a bubble bath or a shower. Why not choose things that light you up inside?
Tell me 3 things you want to feel, right now.
Feeling Your Awesomness in Granolaville,
Full disclosure: I’m a HUGE fan of Danielle, and I’ve signed up as an affiliate for this program, because I think it’s going to be excellent. I’m super picky about doing the affiliate thang: I only do it when I have complete confidence in the quality and integrity of the stuff I’m helping to sell, and I think it will be of interest to my readers. I think Danielle is a rock-star at Holistic Living, I trust her integrity, and I love her work. I hope you will, too.
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