Thoughtful Thursday: Karmic Love ~ Granolaville

Karma is an ancient concept that is prevalent in many Eastern religions. It's translation is 'action' or 'deed' , which could be mental, physical, or emotional. The teachings about Karma describe all life experiences as a collection of energy; where all actions are shaping past, present, and future outcomes.

In the modern world the term has become synonymous with those who are trying to escape karmic retribution. By not putting out negative energy they hope to escape any coming back their way in the future. The reasoning is, you get what you give.

On Dec 20, 1997, at the tender age of 16, I met and "fell in love with" a boy who had it all; a job, a car, and money to spend on me. At that age what more could I ask for? He was a "bad boy" who made me feel special. Score!

Fast forward about 13 months and I'm the proud mother of a baby boy, attempting to raise him with an 18 year old man who still closely resembled a child. It only took a few months to realize that my son and I took a back seat to his friends, partying, and getting high. I thought to myself I deserve better, so I ended it.

Who could have predicted that 3 years later, to the day, I would meet the new love of my life? What a sick joke the Universe was playing on me. But he would be different, I said. I have learned so much right? So what if he had a longer rap sheet then my son's father, or drank more, or smoked more? He wasn't the same guy, I had learned my lesson. I would never waste my time again with a guy who couldn't handle responsibility or keep from getting arrested. God help me I was dumb.

Not only did this new bo cause more strife in my existence then my ex, but he did it with such finesse I wasn't convinced, even after public humiliation, that he was no good for me. I didn't know what I was worth. I truly believed he loved me and that I was not that same naive 16 year old girl.

I know, now, looking back, the sheer fact that I met disaster #2 was because I obviously didn't learn what #1 was meant to teach me. I didn't give myself enough love so I was constantly attracting men who couldn't give me enough either. Now granted I did not return to my ex, but "karmically" I did.

I kept finding various incarnations of the same selfish immature boy because I wasn't able to see my own God-given value. I don't believe I was weak, I believe I was afraid. Afraid of demanding to be treated with the respect I deserved. It is fear that holds us in the suspended state of returning to someone, or many someones we know are no good for us.

Thankfully, I realized my pattern and decided to change it. Once I was able to love to myself I attracted a man who saw and valued the real me. To this day he respects the person I am, and encourages me to fulfill my dreams.

It is up to us to change our path. Karma can be our ally or reoccurring enemy.

Do you believe Karma plays a role in your life?

Lessons Learned in Granolaville.