Thoughtful Thursday: How to Stop Getting Sucked into Other People's Drama


You are in charge of your feelings, beliefs, and actions.  And you teach others how to behave toward you.  While you cannot change other people, you can influence them through your own behaviors and actions.  By being a living role model of what you want to receive from others, you create more of what you want in your life.
~Eric Allenbaugh

I saw this quote today and it really struck a chord with me. A few days ago I was chatting with a friend. She is going through a really difficult time right now. Her ex-husband is using their two children as pawns to cause drama, hurt her feelings, and drive a wedge between them. I feel awful that she has to experience this ridiculoous behavior because I know she is a good mother and only wants what's best for her kids.

The trouble is, I don't think she is totally without fault in this situation. It is true that we teach people how to treat us. No one can continue to make you feel anything without you first allowing them to do so.

Early on in this battle, my friend would engage the ex in mud-slinging text messages and inappropriate arguments. She allowed herself to be sucked into the drama he was tying to create. At the time, I don't think she realized the long-term consequences of her participation in this craziness. Unfortunatley, now, she is all too aware of the negativity she invited into her life.

Though it was not her intention, she was a willing participant in creating the toxic world she is currently downing in. Instead of holding her ground and staying true to what she felt was right in her gut and in her heart, she was sucked into someone elses story. By doing so she gave her ex-husband permission to continue his outlandish accusations and threats.

I relate her situation to a long family car ride. She and her ex are in the back seat fighting like children over who took the last juice box and not having enough elbow space. Meanwhile, the parents are no where to be found and no one is driving the car. It's swerving all over the road, taking out innocent bystanders.

In order to get the car back on course, she's got to step away from the fight and get back in the drivers seat. Now SHE is in control of her path towards harmony. He can continue along to her new destination or jump out of a moving vehicle.

Either way she's going to continue on the path she's chosen.

While we can't control everything that happens to us, our power lies in deciding how we react to what happens.

We will always face situations that are not a reflection of what we want. But we have a choice. We can choose to react from a place of fear, lack, or anger (which will only result in more of those feelings). Or we can choose love. Perhaps not love for the person who's hurt you, or the love for the shitty circumstances you were place in, but love for yourself.

You may think "beating them at their own game" is the only way to "win." But the truth is, the moment you decide to choose love, choose not to be sucked in, or choose to NOT be a part of the negativity you put yourself back in control.

Do you find yourself getting sucked into other people's drama? How do  pull yourself out?

Determining My Path in Granolaville,

 

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