Thoughtful Thursday: Finding Acceptance Can Set You Free

 “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

Open Hands

I hate being a stay at home mom. Actually, I used to hate it. Two years ago I wanted nothing more than to have the job of my dreams land in my lap (that fantasy usually included a fabulous suit, HUGE pay check, and commuting to NYC where I was appreciated for the amazing work I did).

Reality was quite different.

I was out of work, once again. This time it was prompted by a pompous and condescending boss at a "means-to-an-end" bartending job. Though I was not sad to have ended my employment, I was immediately overcome with the pressure to provide for my family and have a "career".

I fought my new role as full-time wife and mom with all I had, applying to every writing job I could find --- anything that would take me away from the mountains of laundry and dirty dishes staring at me with judgement and disapproval. I went on interviews and had a few seemingly perfect opportunities fall through, which sunk me into a deep pool of self-pity.

Why couldn't I be as happy as those moms I would see picking their kids up from school? They're houses we're probably spotless, dinner was on the table at the appointed time, and their kids never ran out of clean underwear.

They seemed so happy with their role. I figured I could happy too--- if I just told myself over and over again how lucky I was to be able to be there for my kids everyday and not have the self-imposed guilt of working a full-time job. Many families struggle to live on 2 incomes, and here I was, able to stay home while my husband financially supported us.

Who the hell was I to complain?

So I put on a smile and told myself I WAS happy. Trouble is, that was a huge freaking lie.

The truth was internally, every ounce of my being was telling me I was meant to do and BE more. The problem was instead of looking within myself for a remedy for my discontent I wanted a job-in-shining armor to come a rescue me. I wasn't willing to do the work to figure out what it was I really needed.

No amount of fake enthusiasm could hide the fact that I was pissed, disappointed, and sad that nothing was going the way I envisioned. 

Then about 6 months ago a shift began to happen. It wasn't like I woke up one day and realized my life's purpose, but I stopped resenting my very important role as the caregiver for my family, and began letting joy into my life.

I rearranged furniture, threw out unused items, organized cabinets, and cleaned out literal and metaphorical closets. And I did it most of it with love and acceptance.

I made a space in my head and heart for the things I was missing. I became truly grateful for the time and attention I was able to give my new baby, and myself.

Now I relish in each new discovery my infant son makes. I look forward to watching my 6 year old run off the bus, excited to tell me about his day. And I am thankful my 13 year old can ask me for homework help because I am here for them.  My job IS important but that doesn't mean it is limited to being a full-time sandwich maker and dirty sock picker upper.

So, I ceased letting the tidiness of my house determine my value and accepted who I was, and what I'd become...a passionate, vibrant, woman who had a lot to share with the world.

I surrendered to my circumstances and became open to ALL the amazing and wonderful possibilities.

Fighting "what is" is a losing battle. "Happiness can exist only in acceptance."~George Orwell

How has accepting a difficult situation changed your life?

Enjoying what is, in Granolaville,

 

Posted in: acceptance,mind,spirit,thoughtful thursday