Natural Mom Monday: What's the "Real Deal" With Attachment Parenting?

Not only is October the birth month of yours truly, the start of apple picking season, and the most beautiful time of the year (you can quote me on that), but it is also Attachment Parenting Month!

"I had no idea," you say...well me neither, but this worldwide celebration, created by Attachment Parenting International along side the Sears family (of popular Dr. Sears books), hopes to shed light on this growing parenting style.

The AP Month vision is to create one strong voice for AP through activities, events and information and to celebrate our annual theme.

This year's theme is Relax, Relate, Rejuvenate. Their goal is to challenge parents to "re-examine their daily activities, routines, beliefs, habits and traditions and learn new ways to engage with their children to grow with each other and remain close while promoting opportunities for healthy exploration, individuation and development."

Sounds good to me!

But with the recent spectacle that was made with the now infamous Time Magazine article about AP, featuring Jaime Grumet, a mother of two seen breast feeding her almost 4 year old son, this style of parenting has come under the national microscope. Check out her real story in this month's issue of Pathways to Family Wellness.

I think it's funny (not really) that everyone and their mother, even people without kids weighed in on extended breast feeding and why they think its wrong or weird.

As a mom who, as I type these words, is attached to my 22 month old by a boob, I still can't understand why this topic is such a huge debate. Why do other people care how I feed or comfort my child as long as he is a healthy, thriving, and loved little boy?

I don't walk into Mc Donald's and give dirty looks to parents as they shovel french fries and franken-meats in their kids. It's their right to make those choices and unless that kid is in poor health or severely obese people should look the other way if it bothers them.

Sorry, enough with my soap box....back to attachment parenting.

I would say anyone who subscribes to this type of parenting doesn't do so for shock value or because they read it in a book. There seems to be an overall consensus that this is what "feels right"... instinctively... to help our children grown into sympathetic, independent, and productive members of society, while honoring their individual needs.

We don't raise our kids this way to be in the spot light, cause controversy, or be the latest shit-show on reality TV.

So what is attachment parenting, in a nutshell? According to Attachment Parenting International there are 8 principles of parenting, and they do not specifically include those "extreme" practices like pre-mastication, elimination communication, or even extended breast feeding.

1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting

As a doula I've seen many women devour EVERY book when it comes to pregnancy and their perceived trauma and drama around birth. But I think very few parents-to-be read anything about what to do once the baby gets here. So now they are left with this beautiful child that is 100% dependent on them and the  choices they make, and some new parents kinda freak. Educating yourself helps you to make choices that are right for you, not based on what friends of family members did.

2. Feed with Love & Respect

Though API  understands that breast feeding exclusively the first year is the most beneficial way to feed a baby, they also respect the choices of parents choose or need to bottle feed. More importantly then what they eat is how they eat. By avoiding a schedule and paying attention to your child's feeding cues of when they are hungry and when they are full, you are setting them up for healthy future eating habits.

3. Respond with Sensitivity

Becoming a new parent can be a stressful time. This principle helps to remind us that sometimes we need to take a pause and think about how our responses to our children (hurried, angry, scared, stressed, impatient) will shape their life.

4. Use Nurturing Touch

Physical intimidation or discipline is not something that fosters a sense of safety, security or love. Children are not little adults. Their view of the world, as a baby, is limited to what we as parents subject them to. Those experiences form how they will approach the world as adults. AP promotes raising children to approach others with love and respect, not fear.

5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically & Emotionally

If you aren't getting kicked in the face every night by a tiny human...I envy you. Co-sleeping, the family bed, and bed sharing are all terms we see associated with AP. But in reality they are not mandated or necessary. What is key is that we listen to the needs of each individual child, while keeping them in close enough proximity to foster secure bonding and attachment. This technique does not include methods like "crying it out" or "sleep training" as they force a child into a routine and pattern that benefits the parents (short term) more than it benefits them.

6. Provide Consistent & Loving Care

This seems like a no-brainer, but being consistent in your care can be difficult when so many of us work outside the home, have busy schedules, or have to rely on others for childcare. Make sure your childcare providers understand your parenting practices and support them, that way your child isn't receiving two different messages.

7. Positive Discipline

In my experience, as a mother of 3, children don't respond well to intimidation. By being reprimanded in a negative way we encourage more negative behavior. Instead, attachment parenting asks that we take the time to understand why a child is acting out, help them communicate their feelings, and come up with solutions that are fair and reasonable. I know this principle can sound a bit soft and fluffy, but the reality is most kids act out because they don't understand what they are feeling or because they don't understand how their behavior makes others feel.

8. Strive for Balance in Personal & Family Life

This is what being "holistic" is all about for me. It means choreographing a dance between our mind, body, and spirit, that allows our families to grow in a way that benefits our local communities and the world.

To me, nothing about this parenting style seems extreme or controversial. We all want a happy and healthy children, don't let labels scare your from doing what you feel is best.

Do you think Attachment Parenting is radical? Do you think the media represents it fairly? Share your comments below!

Lovingly Attached in Granolaville,

Natural Mom Monday: 5 Super Top Secret Tips to Getting the Hell Away From Your Kids....I Mean, Alone Time

Hey Granolaville peeps! It's Labor Day so THAT means this crunchy mama is taking a day off from serving you lovelies with the latest in holistic living and natural news, and spending one last day poolside (hopefully with a delicious smoothie in hand!)

But don't fret...I wouldn't just leave you hanging! After all I know how hard you work, how you can feel under-appreciated, and how much you loathe laundry. Oh wait am I projecting?

I'm sure most of you are dusting off book bags, getting your kids back in the swing of a school night routine, and practicing your jig for when you send them off on that magical yellow bus. (It's OK to admit)

Annnyyywayss....if you haven't been able to find time for yourself this summer, you're in luck! I've got 5 no-fail ways to get you five minutes, or more, of uninterrupted kid-free time before you give them the boot back to school.

Enjoy!

Getting some FREEDOM in Granolaville, 

Natural Mom Monday: Are YOU Mom Enough? Let the Competition Begin!

Let's face most of us are self-conscious about one aspect of our parenting skills or another. It comes with the territory of motherhood -- second guessing decisions, questioning if what you are doing is best for your kid, and an overall sense of feeling "not up to par".

A lot of the guilt we feel is not based on taking an inventory of our own skills as a mom. Instead, we look around to the moms who "have it all" and compare their lives to ours. No matter if you are uber wealthy, scraping together every penny you have, or somewhere in the middle-- every mom, at some point, glaces at the mom next to her and compares.

We can't help it. It's like there is something in us that turns mothering into a competition, instead of OUR own personal journey.

I've seen it, even in the "holistic mom" community. We size up the mom to our right and the mom to our left. If they have the latest attachment parenting sling, then our baby needs one too. If they breast fed for 6 months then I'll do it for 6 YEARS. If they are using cloth diapers, then we must too. If they only feed their kids an organic, Paleo, gluten-free, vegan diet, with only foods the color orange then BY GOD you will do the same!

I've been guilty of it myself. Being that I write about my life everyday there is this desire to show the world that I am living the perfect crunchy life. I've found myself out in public, worrying if one of my readers will see me throw out a Dunkin Donuts bag, or buying non-organic produce and call me out on my shit.

Then I remember I'm NOT on a scripted reality tv show, no one is watching my every move, and people aren't THAT judgmental (I hope).

I'm a human being. Do I make mistakes as a parent? Hell yes! Do sometimes wish I could have enough backbone to say "NO" when my 6 year old asks for a sugary ___fill in the blank____. Hell yes! Do I do the best I can most times to make sure my boys are well-rounded, loving, engaged members of society who know their own self-worth, outside of having STUFF. Ab-so-freakin-lutely!

It is INSANE and exhausting trying to keep up with everyone else. WE literally have a dis-ease within ourselves that makes us feel inadequate. The only way to cure it is to turn motherhood into an Olympic sport, where each of us is vying for the "gold medal".

But motherhood is NOT a battle to see whose kids are the strongest, smartest, most eco-friendly, prettiest, or even the healthiest. You don't need to have, be, or do everything another mother does to be an AWESOME mom for your kids.

We've forgotten that our kids only care about our relationship with THEM. Whether they know it or not, they value quality time with US over getting the latest gadget or toy.

So "Are you Mom Enough" to stop beating yourself up, or looking over your shoulder at what "she" is doing? Love you kid, love yourself, and enjoy the ride.

Do you feel the pressure to "keep up" with other moms? Leave your crunchy comment below!

Being a Kick-ass Mom (most of the time) in Granolaville, 

Fresh Idea Friday: Connecting Kids With Nature

Some of the fondest memories of childhood are my dad and I fishing. Just him and I, a couple of fishing rods and the river. No radio, no DVD, no TV.

If we didn't catch a fish, it wasn't a problem. Those trips were adventures for me and I believe helped cultivate my awe of nature. They are also among my earliest memories of being concerned about pollution, in the form of trash that would be along the river bank.

I was also privileged to live next to a forest for much of my childhood. When I was old enough, I was allowed to play there. Times were different, no doubt about that.

It's a shame that so many children today don't get these learning opportunities and most of their nature education occurs via a screen.

TV - Environmental Friend And Foe

TV documentaries can be great thing for many age groups - for example, Sir David Attenborough's various series over the last few decades where he lets the animals and stunning camera work do most of the talking. Sir David's "Life On Earth" series in the early 80's was one of my TV viewing highlights of the week.

For children too young to venture out, TV can certainly be a positive influence environmentally speaking. I distinctly remember Sesame Street's "Willie Wimple" song about pollution from the 1970's impacting on me. Even though over 35 years has passed, I still remember many of the words :).

Unfortunately, nature documentaries and such these days are too often focused on computer animations and the "whoa!" factor - more fluff than substance. Not everything has to be an adrenalin hit and I'm dubious as to whether the jaded kids of today actually respond to it; or even absorb it when delivered in this way.

Regardless of programming quality; the best way to learn about nature is hands-on; whether it's in a local park, or out the back of beyond.

Nature Deficit Disorder

A UK report released this year found less than ten per cent of kids today play in wild places; down from 50 per cent a generation ago. The Natural Childhood report states the UK's population is increasingly exhibiting the symptoms of a modern phenomenon called ‘Nature Deficit Disorder’.

A definition of Nature Deficit Disorder from the man who coined the phrase, Richard Louv in his 2005 book "Last Child in the Woods":

"Nature Deficit Disorder describes the human costs of alienation from nature, among them: diminished use of the senses, attention difficulties, and higher rates of physical and emotional illnesses."

The Natural Child report discusses the harm done by Nature Deficit Disorder and the many benefits of allowing children between the ages of seven and 12 the freedom to explore the natural world.

Connecting with nature - or destroying it?

It's more than just allowing kids to explore the great outdoors though - it's how it's done that counts too.

I've just spent 4 days (again) enduring the sound of kids and their incredibly clueless, inconsiderate parents running around and around their bush blocks on noisy dirt bikes; basically burning gas for giggles and making sure everyone and everything within a two mile radius knew about it. Somehow they equate this activity with getting back to nature.

Sure, they may be outside, but they aren't only missing out on *really* connecting to nature through their dirt bike riding, they are damaging it. They've chewed up roads and tracks, created tracks where none are meant to be, scared the heck out of animals that have then run in a blind panic into fences, generated hours and hours of noise pollution, wasted fuel, spewed emissions and other pollutants etc. etc. etc. - the list really does go on.

I've talked to some of these kids (and their parents) over the last couple of years, attempting to convey to them the marvels of the creatures and plants in the area and more subtly (sometimes, not so), their sensitivity to human interference. They nod and smile and appear to get the idea, then get back on their bikes again to continue their destruction.

While getting kids to properly connect with nature doesn't mean they should be forced to undertake a vow of silence, don burlap sacks and sleep under the stars using rocks as pillows, it shouldn't involve excessive noise and destruction, nor be heavily dependent on technology. It should be an engaging experience, one that forces the senses and body to be used in a way they often aren't in our lives.

What are your favorite ways to connect your kids with nature?

Enjoying Granolaville,

Via Green Living Tips.comGreen Living Tips is an online resource powered by renewable energy offering a wide variety of earth friendly tips, green guides, advice and environment related news to help consumers and business reduce costs, consumption and environmental impact .

Fresh Idea Friday: 50 FREE Ideas for a Fantastic Summer with Your Kids

Today marks the last day of school for my children and the end of my sanity. I kid, I kid (kinda).

I LOVE Summer time; the food, the weather, beaches. Aside from the Fall its my most favorite time of year. Everything is in full bloom, the sun shines, and we can spend most of our time outdoors.

BUT I have to admit, I pretty much suck at entertaining my little men. Don't get me wrong, we have tons of fun at my mom-in-laws pool, going to the park, and having picnics in our backyard. However, doing those activities day-in and day-out can get pretty old, pretty fast. I hate to even say this, but we spent A LOT of time watching movies or playing video games. Don't worry, I am ashamed. I try to mix things up with water parks or museums, but the cost of even a day trip can get expensive.

As a parent the LAST thing I want to hear is "I'm BOREDDDDDDDD". I try my best, but with three kids, in 3 different age groups (ages 18 months, 6, and ....13) it can be difficult to please everyone. I also don't want them to be so spoiled that they have to "do" something in order to have a good time. It shouldn't be about spending money. Sometimes you can have just as much fun doing something for free, or even something that helps someone else.

So I am determined to not let THIS Summer be completely LAME. My goal: do memorable, fun activities without breaking the bank.

Here are 50 FREE Ideas for a non-lame Summer with kids.

1. Build a fort
2. Write a play, dress up and perform it
3. Volunteer in a soup kitchen. Here's one we support in our Granolaville. You can find a full list of those in your state at Homeless Shelter Directory.
4. Go on scavenger hunt around your town or city and find 20 objects beginning with a certain letter or are particular color
5. Have a water balloon fight
6. Scour the neighborhood for cool rocks and paint them
7. Help a neighbor with yard work
8. Go to a free concert.
9. Visit a farm
10. Have a picnic in the park and fly kites
11. Read a Book
12. Melt crayons on a blank canvas 
13. Have your kids plan and make a whole meal 
14. Play a board game
15. Feed ducks
16. Have a dance party (Be sure to embarrass your teenage kids)
17. Visit a museum. I had no idea that many museums (like the Museum of Natural History &  The Metropolitan Museum of Art) only have a suggested donation, the price of admission is not required, so you could actually pay a penny if you wanted to.
18. Camp out in your back yard
19. LEMONADE STAND
20. Go to the library
21. Paint pottery
22. Go on a nature hike
23. Plant flowers
24. Make an indoor or outdoor obstacle course
25. Have a "date" with mom or dad with just one child
26. Skip rocks in a lake or river
27. Have a water gun FIGHT!
28. Plan a themed BBQ and invite their friends
29. Dig in the dirt
30. Build a sand castle
31. Go on a bike ride
32. Find a different constellation each night
33. Make "healthy" s'mores. ( Leave out the marshmallow and replace it with banana slices)
34. Have a Lego building contest. The winner with the tallest tower gets to pick the next fun activity.
35. Make tie-dye shirts. 
36. Play charades
37. Offer to help sweep outside a restaurant or storefront. 
38. Collect seashells and glue them to empty juice cartons to make a vase.
39. Check the newspapers (or my favorite local site Real Dutchess Moms) for local summer festivals
40. Build boats out of different materials, and see which one floats
41. Take a tour of a historic site
42. Have a pajama day
43. "Travel" around the world by making dishes from different countries. Asian stir Fry...YUM!
44. Have a "Yard Olympics". Create different events and have a medal ceremony
45. Make a magazine collage of things they want to do, see or be in the next 1, 5, and 10 years
46. Learn to juggle
47. Slip n Slide
48. Redecorate their room with things already in your house
49. Make a backyard firepit
50. Take a nap...this is my favorite :-)

Don't forget there's only 1 day left in our SUMMER SOLSTICE SWEEPSTAKES, so make sure you enter above!

Got any fun and free summer time ideas?

Loving the Summer in Granolaville,

 

Thoughtful Thursday: It's the Little Things in Life...

  Potato Sack Races.

What "little" thing brings you joy?

Wishing I was a kid in Granolaville,

 

 

Natural Mom Monday: Is Your Kid's "Healthy" Drink Actually Hurting Them?

It has been nothing short of a battle at times to get something quick and healthy into my children's lunch box that won't make them the "kid with weird foods" or or end up in the trash. The food, not the kids.

There is this unspoken pressure I feel, as a mom, to make their lunches the envy of ALL other kids. I can remember the rare occasion in elementary school where I would have something delicious (usually spewing with sugar) that my friends would beg for. It made me feel good.

Those were the days.

With my 6 year old, who suffers from a dairy allergy and a gluten intolerance, finding food options that don't give him yummy pain or taste like cardboard, can be difficult.

Though some of his lunches end up being found buried in his bag, untouched, I thought I had a handle on the drink situation.

For awhile Bryson was getting Capri Sun Roarin' Waters juice pouches lovingly placed in his lunch bag. They were low in sugar (8g per serving) and came in Bryson's favorite flavor, Cherry.

Until one day when I actually stopped to read the ingredients on the label:

WATER, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CITRIC ACID, SUCRALOSE (SPLENDA(R) BRAND SWEETENER), NATURAL FLAVOR.

Great! I've been feeding my kid Genetically Modified Corn Sugar!

If you are one of those people, like in the biased Corn Refiners Association commercials, put to shame when they can't answer why HFCS is SOOOO bad, don't worry I'll give you all the ammo you need.

These commercials tout that corn sugar is no different that cane sugar, and therefore is a safe & natural alternative. "If used in moderation it can be part of a healthy diet."

Except there is one glaring issue: "When used in moderation, it is a major cause of heart disease, obesity, cancer, dementia, liver failure, tooth decay and more."

Drinks are not the only culprit. High Fructose Corn Syrup can also be found in canned fruit, cereals, breads (even the Whole Wheat/Whole Grain kind), crackers, baked goods, tomato-based sauces, packaged lunch meat, salad dressing, and yogurt. It sucks but, reading food labels is a MUST if you want to avoid HFCS.

Suffice to say, I stopped buying Capri Suns. Hey, but kiwi-strawberry flavored water doesn't have HFCS and Bryson LOVES it, perfect!

Last week I went food shopping at a different grocery store and picked up what I thought was them same drink with the clear bottle and green top. This morning while packing his lunch, I had the startling realization that this WAS NOT the same drink I had been buying. You see this particular brand contained aspartame.

If you are not familiar with aspartame, don't worry. I had no clue what it was until my well-intention, but sometimes fanatical, husband kept going on and on about how dangerous this chemical sweetener really was.

Jeez, something else I need to worry about.

So I started reading about aspartame, which Dr. Mercola, a leader in alternative medicine, claims is, "by far, the most dangerous substance on the market that is added to food." This chemical concoction is what gives Equal, Nutrasweet, Sweet n Low and Splenda their SUPER sweet taste---nearly 100-200 times sweeter than cane sugar. It's also one of the main ingredients in ALL diet soda. Thought diet soda was healthier like I did huh?

Aspartic acid, also known as aspartate, acts as a neurotransmitter in your brain by facilitating the transmission of information from neuron to neuron. Too much aspartate in your brain kills certain neurons by allowing the influx of too much calcium into the cells. This influx triggers excessive amounts of free radicals, which kill the cells. The neural cell damage that can be caused by excessive aspartate is why they are referred to as "excitotoxins." They "excite" or stimulate the neural cells to death. ~ Dr. Mercola.com

Want to know the 92 side effects reported, to the FDA, from using aspartame?
How about:

• Death,
• Headaches and seizures,
• Vision loss,
• Seizures,
• Hearing loss,
• Joint pain, and
• Breathing difficulties.

Awesome! I traded one set of scary hazards for another. My kid is getting straight water from now on.

Check the label. Does your kids favorite drink contain High Fructose Corn Syrup or Aspartame?

Reading Carefully in Granolaville, 

 





Resources:
http://aspartame.mercola.com/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/22810-dangers-aspartame/
http://www.fda.gov/ohrms/dockets/dailys/03/Jan03/012203/02P-0317_emc-000199.txt
http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/high-fructose-corn-syrup-dangers/

Thoughtful Thursday: Kid + Cell Phones, Not in My House

****I know this isn't the post I had scheduled in the Weekly Newsletter, but after my first birth as a doula last night, and nearly 16 hours, I didn't have it in me to write another post. So here's a oldie, but a goodie from Moms in Boyland. Hope you enjoy and I'll have that video update about the birth soon! ****

Remember when you were a kid, if you wanted to speak to a friend you had to call their house phone and pray that you didn't get a busy signal? Or when you wanted to tell your neighbor about the newest video game you had to actually walk over to his house and speak to him...in person!

Long gone are the days when human interaction actually involves human beings; instead we've been replaced with tweets, texts, emails, and remarkably long status updates. Our kids are now able to use technology in ways we never imagined. My 6 year old is savvy to Facebook etiquette. He once told his brother not to write a message to a girl he liked on her Facebook wall because then everyone would see it. Ah-mazing.

The fact that my 13 year old even has a Facebook page was something I grappled with for a long time. I understand that it has become an integral part of the way I connect with my friends and family. So after laying down MANY rules like "I will have access to your password", "No spreading gossip", and "Only going on after all homework is done", we let him get a Facebook page. I got major "cool" points for that one.

Now, I am the WORST mother in the world because EVERYONE in the 7th grade, but my son has a cellphone. I think its funny that he is dying for a phone, to call his friends that he would only call when he forgot to write down an assignment. I told my son if he needs to call his friends then use the ancient invention called the land line.

You would have thought I suggested going to school in his underwear by the look I got. Nothing irks me more then watching 10 year olds chatting on their iPhones. Here are my reasons for not giving my son a cell phone, especially a "smart" phone:

1. He doesn't want to call his friends, he only wants another way to "fit in". My job is to be his parent, not his accomplice in succumbing to peer pressure.

2. Heard of "sexting"? Now imagine your 12 year old getting propositioning messages or inappropriate pictures from the girl who wants to get his attention. What happened to passing notes?

3. He doesn't go anywhere without me or his father. If he did, for some reason and there was an emergency, there would be at least 10 other people around him with cell phones he could borrow.

4. PORN, at 4G speed. Enough said.

5. My son gets distracted from a barking dog while doing his homework. He doesn't  need another thing to steal his attention.

6. He loses...I mean "misplaces" everything.

7. Kids should be playing outside with other real kids, not pretending to play games with virtual friends.

8. The phones that he wants are expensive (I'm still trying to convince my husband why I need one).

9. It stunts their reading, writing, and social interaction skills. (WTF, LOL, ROTFL, I h8 doin, hw it totally sux.)

10. I want to raise an articulate child, not a texting zombie.

So if, and when I decide to get my son a cell phone it will have no texting ability, only be programmed with essential numbers, not be Internet capable and only be used for calling people...shocking I know. Once he has a job and is old enough to pay for a smart phone he can have any phone he wants. But, best believe if I call and it goes straight to voicemail, he will have one crazy mom on his hands.

What do you think the appropriate age is for a kid to get a cell phone?

No longer "cool" in Granolaville,